diaries from the rehab

It’s been three days. Three days out of thirty-three years in which I have been able to read and write at least since I was about four, maybe five, and this is the first time I ever remember having been impeded ––no! Prohibited from writing. I actually believe that maybe russian anarchists and the Marqués de Sade felt less troubled finding ways to write while confined.

And the reason? Well, I could, and that is a fact, kill myself with a pen. It would takes lots of strength, but it is doable. Okay. Thing is, they also prohibited me from taking in the pen’s refill. You know, the ink refill, confined in a soft plastic rubber-like tube? So I can’t take a pen or an ink tube into the clinic because even this second one carries suicide risk (don’t ask me how).

One look around any room in this institute an I can already think of various manners of assaulting, fatally or not, anyone here, yours truly included. Bureaucracy is stupid. Burrocracy11 does not treat addiction. Bureaucracy obstructs art.

It also took three days to get the books I brought with me when checking in. Note that they were already with me. They had to go though “customs”, which is also understandable, but that administrative area is close by the patients house where I would be settled in. Meaning: they never even left the institute’s premises. Still, three days. I had to read Hemingway. Slowly And I mean slowly. That’s slow- — take a big pause there… wait… just a little more… now: -ly

11 That’s a wordplay on “burro” (portuguese for “stupid”, “dumb”), which slightly resembles the brazilian word for bureaucracy, which is “burocracia” [bu.ɾu.kɾɐ.sˈi.ɐ]

If you don’t have a song
To sing you’re okay
You know how to get along
Humming
Hmmm

If you don’t have a date
Celebrate
Go out and sit on the lawn
And do nothing
‘Cause it’s just what you must do
Nobody does it anymore

No I don’t believe in the wasting of time,
But I don’t believe that I’m wasting mine

If you don’t have a point to make
Don’t sweat it
You’ll make a sharp one being so kind
And I’d sure appreciate it
Everyone else’s goal’s to get big headed
Why should I follow that beat being that I’m
Better than fine

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