I hate feeling hated, or left out, left behind, cast aside. Feeling of abandonment… Wonder how many times I might have inflicted that on others.
I’ve wronged, I’ve wronged and I’ve wronged, but I did my best and felt like so. Friends fall apart, but only time should be able to set them apart, for no human being should have the coldness to decide so. None should feel the cold sting of been chosen not to be part of one’s life anymore. “For practical reasons”.
Like a company leting an employee go. Like a logistics expert canceling purchases.
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to describe this mixed up feelings inside me. It’s all new to me. All too painful.
I keep ringing over and over to my self: “It’s your fault. It’s your fault. It’s your fault” so I don’t have to feel angry, so I don’t get so confused, but I’m not convincing myself. Maybe there’s nowt to blame. And that’s what makes it so hard.
And there is no drug or amount of alcohol to overlap this.