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1. What is your favorite word?
dabliuteéfe
2. What is your least favorite word?
menine.
3. What turns you on?
Girls with body and brains.
4. What turns you off?
Unnecessary rivaltry.
5. What sound do you love?
Laughter.
6. What sound do you hate?
Indoors yelling.
7. What is your favorite curse word?
Cunt.
8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
Distilling.
9. What profession would you not like to do?
Anything burocratical.
10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
I’ll buy a beer if you keep quiet about my existence.
Inspiration was the younger and the oldest of the two sisters; none would be without her, yet, she could have taken longer than everything else to come and meet me. And just like the muses she was the one who would guide my spirit into parting itself and enlarging itself and making new matter – although untouchable matter – from itself.
Concentration would guide my spirit within my body to allow the work of Inspiration to ride its course to become the art she had predicted. And how many times had my own spirit betrayed itself and her sister’s work on it trying to change its path onto other – often less significant – labors! But She’d be there to take me back to let my spirit flow its new creation from itself.
And Creation is the child born from Me and from Her and from Her, the unlikely – yet the only one possible – threesome’s very own offspring.
Duuuuuuuuuuude!
if you really need a hundred,
there is something wrong with you.
Since CNN banned this video from its Airport Network, we might as well just check it here.
I wish I would update this blog more often, but my motto (is this the correct spelling?) is: if you ain’t got nothing interesting to type, have a drink and then write something.
To get a Ferrari on the reverse shift won’t turn the mileage count back to a previous point.1
sent by Antonio A. Braga.
Don’t mess with a former military man just because he looks like a bum.2
sent by Antonio A. Braga.
When some acknowledgelly badass kid comes to your school, don’t touch him. Specially not in the bathroom.3
If you can turn into a werewolf, try to use your new abilities for something useful and fun, like basketball.4
If you ever travel back in time, try not to bump into your mother and make her fall in love with you before she met your father.5
You can beat up the south american army men who kidnapped your daughter, so go for it.6
Do NOT get out of your hotel bedroom without putting on some snickers, or you’ll get in some really sticky situation when fighting the terrorists who took over the building.7
No one will believe that the manequim is an actual woman, so get it on with her in private places and never mention it to anyone.8
Do I really have to explain about feeding “them” after midnight and the reasons why you shouldn’t water them? I didn’t think so.9
Everytime I meet someone ugly as fuck, I give them a Babe Ruth chocolate bar.10
sent by Dudu Friedrich.
Waxing cars for old chinese people will make you a badass karate fighter.11
sent by Dudu Friedrich.
If you live in a small countryside town and you see dozens of men falling with parachutes on the football field you better run and hide in the mountains for six months, cause they’re definetely Cubans and Russians.12
sent by Diego “Djegovsky” Lopes
Don’t get all excited about meeting your old pal when you both find yourselves locked in a videogame. You still might have to compete with each other to death.12
Always check for smallers life forms before entering a teletransport pod.13
Hot underage girl + stolen cadillac = trouble. Serious Trouble.14
Make sure you have the money to pay for the call girl before you call the girl, or be ready to compensate her pimp with expensive family ornaments.15
You can get a Mercedes into a Caddillac trunk.16
sent by Eduardo Friedrich
check the references below, if you’d like.
This short text was originally published (as far as I can remember, with a little help from cache memory) on this webpage http://www.dcs.shef.ac.uk/~u6dsa/flat24/toaster.html, which obviously doesnt exist anymore. Beeing smart and childish enough to have it printed by the time I first read it, some night between my birthday and the present day. I decided to rip it off my old bedroom wall, where it has been glued to for over a decade, and get it on the web once again. I like it. I really liked it. Congratulations to the Members of the Republic of Flat 24, whoever you are, and wherever you are.
Are Toasters Intelligent?
This question was recently proposed to myself by my other self, who is not essentially me but who cannot be scientifically proven not to be me so is also known as me to most others. Open minded individuals will accept him as Clive the Weasel. He insisted that the implications of intelligent toasters existing are phenomenal. Toasters could learn how to read, write and talk and eventually be integrated into human society and culture.
Sceptics remain sceptical.
Llamas incidentally, remain camellias but that’s another matter entirely (and one I neither have the ability nor the sexual frustration necessary to go into right now). The first evidence that toasters could have intelligence was proposed by D.Armstrong who argued that ‘Microsoft did not.make them therefore they must function’. David argued that functionality was. an important criteria in all living beings. I had to disagree with this point stating logically that Ross MaskelI was an example of a living being that does not function in a normal manner. My evidence for this was based on his apathetic, sluggish behaviour and inability to cook sausages properly.
Rick Webber, our leading electrician, recently carried out a series of electrical tests on the toaster and concluded, with the use of five Van De Graff generators and a mile of superconducting wire, that the toaster was not plugged in. How this would seem to suggest any significant sentient behaviour is beyond comprehension. This forms the basis of Rick’s argument. He argues that we would not be able to understand his theory if he had one therefore he does not need one. I said that if this was true then it could be proven that his mother was a fish. He said ‘She is, she is in a multitude of different realities and her body is in a state of equilibrium in accordance with Rays Law.
Rays law was actually developed by me and states that:
If the number zero can be mathematically proven to be equal to one then anything in the universe can be proven to be anything else.
By far the most convincing evidence comes from studying the life of Adolph Hitler. He did not ever say anything about toasters possibly being alive. This would seem to suggest that there has been a cover up, and that the Nazis were using intelligent toasters to infiltrate allied fortifications and to spy on British breakfast habits, hoping to strengthen their army by nutritional methods. This must have failed, or we’d all be listening to happy hardcore and munching on bratwurst. Salim Vanaak, another flat24 resident, believes that toasters have built their own cities on the moon and are preparing for a full scale invasion. They will weaken us by causing all toasters currently inhabiting the Earth to cease to function, they will, in effect be instructed to commit suicide. This will prevent us from manufacturing toast based defences, the only known protection against toasters. These are based on the fact that crumbs accumulate in the bottom of toasters after a period of exposure to toast rendering them inoperable.
Copyright © 1997 by the Members of the Republic of Flat 24. All rights reserved.
I just realized that there’s a world outside the Wired, and it isnt’ at its most a pleasant one. If anything, it has been useful to help creating the Wired (a.k.a. internet), at least, so I can’t just find it hateful.
But now that I’m deep back in the digital means in which one and all can communicate, I feel once again alone – although more furfilled than when I was on the physical grounds of existence, in which I felt somehow popular and present.
It’s a shameful world, anyway; one must fake oneself into someone else in order to be accepted.
Old story? I know, but it keeps going on.
While walking through one of the largest avenues in that town, he laughed. He was shoeless and his overly sized pants pratically dragged on the ground as he walked – sometimes fast and in a rush, and sometimes slowed down by tiredness. And while he walked he thought about all his path to that point where he had no more than a couple of quarters in his shirt point and happy to still carry a few cigarettes on him. He reminded of his past. The reasonably healthy living amongs with the parents; the girlfriend that loved and gave him the pleasure of coitus and felatio to his will. Getting to school everyday in his mother’s car, protecting himself from the cold with lots of jackets and blouses, skipping classes expendable to him thanks to his above-average academic capability. He thought of the money he would get every weeked without even having to ask, to be expended in junkie food, beer cans and cigarettes. He though of the plans he had, the amounts he would make, the colleges he intended to go to. As he walked sholess through that avenue with a lit cigarette in his mouth, one sneeker in his left hand, warmed up by the old gloves he still had with no one to be seen except for him, a few legal shoppers, plus hookers and drug dealers. Only him and his laughing, laughing to him self. He thought of his past as a promising young boy from a socially respected private school and he knew he couldn’t be better than now, shoeless and lonely on that large avenue, feeling the cold in his skin and smoking a cigarette.
I can’t go on with this little thread we dare to call romance, my dear. I love you, but everytime you step way, I feel like falling into an abyss – falling and praying for my own death.
-But oh!, my dear, how dare you talk like you should be nowhere near me? Can’t our love overcome the strugle of dealing with your lonely existence during those short periods of time when I’m not here?
-Our love can overcome any obstacle, so I hear and so I have seen been proven true, but how can I face the pain of loneliness? How can I erase the suicidal ideas that invade my mind during those sad times away from you?
-My love, my truly and only beloved one, you only have to remember that soon I’ll be back from you, as I am with you at this very moment.
-And these are the most delightful moments of all…
-You say it right, my love.
-Forgive me for my lack of security baby…
-and promise me we’ll always be together.
-We will. Always.
… and so goes the story of Sir Sniffsalot and Lady Chopalaine.
