amish romance

If this recent amish romance novels trend really catches on, I might as well just go along with it. Now all I need is a plotline on the subject.

Little amish boy witnesses a murder and a big city cop must acompaign him back to his simple life community in order to protect THE WITNESS!

-The Witness…
-What?
-That’s the name of the film. It already exists. With Harrison Ford.
-Oh, yes, I see…

Strange murders lead two paranormal activity investigators into an amish community whose members don’t seem quite happy with their presence there…

-The X-Files…
-I figured…

So, how about this: an adult film producer (Rocco, he’s simply the best!) discovers the perfect girl (Stoya) to act with his great star (Sasha Grey) in his next movie. Problem is… she’s amish! To get the approval from the girl’s family, they will have to use their sensuality amongst members of the community. Little do they know that the sweet innocent Stoya is already having an affair with another member of the Amish, an african-american male (which could be played by me – I don’t think my skin color should be an issue – Lexington Steele). Film title: Raising the Barn!

cruelty doesn’t fly

Since CNN banned this video from its Airport Network, we might as well just check it here.

words of wisdom

Don’t confuse wormholes for warm holes, ‘though they’ll both take you places you might not wanna go into.

words of wisdom

There’s only two kinds of hookers: the ones that charge and the whores.

Next Post

I wish I would update this blog more often, but my motto (is this the correct spelling?) is: if you ain’t got nothing interesting to type, have a drink and then write something.

Things I learned from 80’s movies

To get a Ferrari on the reverse shift won’t turn the mileage count back to a previous point.¹

sent by Antonio A. Braga.

Don’t mess with a former military man just because he looks like a bum.²

sent by Antonio A. Braga.

When some acknowledgelly badass kid comes to your school, don’t touch him. Specially not in the bathroom.³

If you can turn into a werewolf, try to use your new abilities for something useful and fun, like basketball.⁴

If you ever travel back in time, try not to bump into your mother and make her fall in love with you before she met your father.⁵

You can beat up the south american army men who kidnapped your daughter, so go for it.⁶

Do NOT get out of your hotel bedroom without putting on some snickers, or you’ll get in some really sticky situation when fighting the terrorists who took over the building.⁷

No one will believe that the manequim is an actual woman, so get it on with her in private places and never mention it to anyone.⁸

Do I really have to explain about feeding “them” after midnight and the reasons why you shouldn’t water them? I didn’t think so.⁹

Everytime I meet someone ugly as fuck, I give them a Babe Ruth chocolate bar.¹⁰

sent by Dudu Friedrich.

Waxing cars for old chinese people will make you a badass karate fighter.¹¹

sent by Dudu Friedrich.

If you live in a small countryside town and you see dozens of men falling with parachutes on the football field you better run and hide in the mountains for six months, cause they’re definetely Cubans and Russians.¹²

sent by Diego “Djegovsky” Lopes

Don’t get all excited about meeting your old pal when you both find yourselves locked in a videogame. You still might have to compete with each other to death.¹²

Always check for smallers life forms before entering a teletransport pod.¹³

Hot underage girl + stolen cadillac = trouble. Serious Trouble.¹⁴

Make sure you have the money to pay for the call girl before you call the girl, or be ready to compensate her pimp with expensive family ornaments.¹⁵

You can get a Mercedes into a Caddillac trunk.¹⁶

sent by Eduardo Friedrich

check the references below, if you’d like.

bully ‘em back

Jennifer’s Body PSA

I wish Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold had left a message such as this before the shootings. It would be nice to hear a friendly voice telling you to get even with everyone at school.

Are Toasters Intelligent?

This short text was originally published (as far as I can remember, with a little help from cache memory) on this webpage http://www.dcs.shef.ac.uk/~u6dsa/flat24/toaster.html, which obviously doesnt exist anymore. Beeing smart and childish enough to have it printed by the time I first read it, some night between my birthday and the present day. I decided to rip it off my old bedroom wall, where it has been glued to for over a decade, and get it on the web once again. I like it. I really liked it. Congratulations to the Members of the Republic of Flat 24, whoever you are, and wherever you are.

Are Toasters Intelligent?

This question was recently proposed to myself by my other self, who is not essentially me but who cannot be scientifically proven not to be me so is also known as me to most others. Open minded individuals will accept him as Clive the Weasel. He insisted that the implications of intelligent toasters existing are phenomenal. Toasters could learn how to read, write and talk and eventually be integrated into human society and culture.

Sceptics remain sceptical.

Llamas incidentally, remain camellias but that’s another matter entirely (and one I neither have the ability nor the sexual frustration necessary to go into right now). The first evidence that toasters could have intelligence was proposed by D.Armstrong who argued that ‘Microsoft did not.make them therefore they must function’. David argued that functionality was. an important criteria in all living beings. I had to disagree with this point stating logically that Ross MaskelI was an example of a living being that does not function in a normal manner. My evidence for this was based on his apathetic, sluggish behaviour and inability to cook sausages properly.
Rick Webber, our leading electrician, recently carried out a series of electrical tests on the toaster and concluded, with the use of five Van De Graff generators and a mile of superconducting wire, that the toaster was not plugged in. How this would seem to suggest any significant sentient behaviour is beyond comprehension. This forms the basis of Rick’s argument. He argues that we would not be able to understand his theory if he had one therefore he does not need one. I said that if this was true then it could be proven that his mother was a fish. He said ‘She is, she is in a multitude of different realities and her body is in a state of equilibrium in accordance with Rays Law.
Rays law was actually developed by me and states that:
If the number zero can be mathematically proven to be equal to one then anything in the universe can be proven to be anything else.
By far the most convincing evidence comes from studying the life of Adolph Hitler. He did not ever say anything about toasters possibly being alive. This would seem to suggest that there has been a cover up, and that the Nazis were using intelligent toasters to infiltrate allied fortifications and to spy on British breakfast habits, hoping to strengthen their army by nutritional methods. This must have failed, or we’d all be listening to happy hardcore and munching on bratwurst. Salim Vanaak, another flat24 resident, believes that toasters have built their own cities on the moon and are preparing for a full scale invasion. They will weaken us by causing all toasters currently inhabiting the Earth to cease to function, they will, in effect be instructed to commit suicide. This will prevent us from manufacturing toast based defences, the only known protection against toasters. These are based on the fact that crumbs accumulate in the bottom of toasters after a period of exposure to toast rendering them inoperable.

Copyright © 1997 by the Members of the Republic of Flat 24. All rights reserved.

I just realized that there’s a world outside the Wired, and it isnt’ at its most a pleasant one. If anything, it has been useful to help creating the Wired (a.k.a. internet), at least, so I can’t just find it hateful.

But now that I’m deep back in the digital means in which one and all can communicate, I feel once again alone – although more furfilled than when I was on the physical grounds of existence, in which I felt somehow popular and present.

It’s a shameful world, anyway; one must fake oneself into someone else in order to be accepted.
Old story? I know, but it keeps going on.

rhyming

Ale rhymes with yeyo which rhymes with male which rides female.